My mommy.

From an early age, I could remember hearing my mother's shrieks. I could clearly see the desperation on her face every time my father laid hands on her. The thing that confused me was why she stayed and did not run away even if she left me. I could come to the conclusion that she was either dumb or reckless. She always smiled and tried her best to take care of me and my good-for-nothing father. He comes home late at night drunk or wrapped hand in hand with another woman. That filthy bastard only extorted from my mother but she was so useless, weak, and frail that she could never open her mouth to him. 

The disdain on his face when he sees her never changes. He disgusts me, but what am I to judge when I can't even utter a single word to him. He has never looked at me since I was born, it's like I'm invisible in his eyes. Only mother is there as his personal slave and don't even get me started on the women he brings here. They walk in all high and mighty and boss around my mother but she still does nothing. She doesn't defend herself or talks back. What a useless and cowardly person. 

My mother was always bruised and trapped inside this house. She never left for anything but to buy groceries. As far as I know, I have never been outside of this house since the day that I was brought here. I've never seen the sun, never seen a child my age or an adult other than these two and the trash that walks in here, I have never been to a doctor or an amusement park, there is so much that I haven't done. My mother tells me that the world is a big and wonderful place but she enjoys it here and she doesn't want to go anywhere else. 

I don't understand what goes through this lady's head. He came home tonight yet again with another trashy female. He told my mother to tidy up the bedroom and to keep me away from the princess that strolled in here. My mother diligently obeyed him like a dog listening to his master. I wonder why she stays. Why not visit this vast world that you speak so happily about. She wants to stay here for some reason, is she trapped because she could have run away a long time ago. I want to run too, I was given many chances but is the reason I stay here the same as yours? Once I go out I won't have anyone to provide for me like you. I won't have someone to depend on and to talk to. Is my love the one holding you or do you actually love this stupid bastard?

Why do you love someone like him? All he does is use you for his personal benefits. I know you told me that he wasn't like that before and he was a kind-hearted man but that was the past he isn't going to change. For the 8 years, I have been alive he has not spoken to me, his own daughter and you think a man like that will change. The same man that brings home different women almost every night. the same man that abuses you. 

It breaks my heart to see you keeping your arms open for a man like this. Don't you want to look forward to a future of happiness? It's not here and it will never be here. I hate this man and I would gladly kill him but I don't want blood on my hands. I want you to be happy mother. To have a real smile on your face and not fake one in front of me. Stop following this dumb man you so love because he will never return your love. He won't. You can do much better than living in this hellhole. I want to get as far away from this as I can but I can't leave you. Why, why do you love this man so much that you silently cry for him every night before bed, that you keep wishing for him to go back to who he was. Just give up on him.

Once again home with a next one, this one is the sluttiest I've ever seen. I guess he hit the jackpot tonight. I watch you with a heart-wrenching face because you cower in front of his words. You looked up. Are you ready to say something? Are you going to fight, rebel against him? Are you going to be brave and finally drop this unrequited love? You look at him but no words came from your lips. Shall I come out and give you a boost? I will tug your shirt to give you confidence, he will surely get mad that you let me walk out in front of his guest. Please use your words that time and get us out of this prison. 

I walked out and saw both you and his shocked faces not to mention the disgust in this trash's eyes. She started screaming saying that he didn't tell her he had a child and slapped him. Haha, whoops I made a mistake I didn't mean to laugh but it was funny to see him getting slapped instead of mother. He started dragging me and hitting me saying it was my fault. He finally acknowledged me, he finally looked at me. I can't believe it, I am no longer invisible but it hurts. For some reason, it pains me to say that I wish it was in a happier way. Why do I want that? I need to get these stupid thoughts out of my head. 

It hurts, stop hitting me. I could see mother trying to pry you off me and crying while screaming my name. How long has it been since I have been called by my name? I'm so weak that these injuries you're giving me could actually be the death of me. I haven't even been outside yet. Mommy, please don't stay here. I'm sorry I couldn't go outside with you and find our happily ever after like those stories you would tell me as a child. I guess this is goodbye for now. Grow old and be happy and smile, smile, smile more, more and more. Every day, smile for me and you. If you can find someone to make you happy, let them spoil you just as you did me. 

See you soon Mommy.

I woke up. Am I still alive? Why is he running away, is he finished hitting me now? Mommy why are you crying I'm right here. Can't you see me? Can't you hear me? Mommy, I'm here. Please don't cry. Where are you going? I'm not in that body anymore, I'm over here. Why aren't you looking at me? Don't cry mommy you're making me cry. Stop saying sorry, you did nothing wrong. You were just recklessly in love with the wrong person. You were a caring mommy. I love you, I never told you before I love you, mommy. I just don't think I was ready to say it yet. I'm here mommy see I'm here hugging you right here. I'll always be with you. 

Written by Alyssa Chin


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