My love.

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It started in the spring of our freshman year of high school and lasted until the last spring of college, and now it's your final spring. You've always been there for me through thick and thin, so I'm not sure why you're not here right now. Your warmth as you shielded me from the crash's quick impact. I am sorry I wasn't the one to defend you. I'm such a coward. How could I have failed to protect you in your final moments? How could I not smile at you to give you the pleasure you desired?  How could I not be the one to leave instead of you? 

It seems as if surviving in this world without you is pointless. We've spent so much time together that I can't help but notice your presence in the home that you and I built. I can't recall a single recollection in which you weren't present. Your delicate touch on my rough skin, as well as your kind smile, made me feel safe at all times. Every memory and thought of you that comes to me makes my head hurt. You may have loved me despite my imperfections, but now that I think about it, I can't help but wonder why I wasn't a better person to you than you were to me. Why didn't I express my gratitude to you? Even though you meant the world to me, I only showed you the tip of the iceberg.

What made you decide to abandon me? Why didn't you let me absorb the force of the blow? Do you think I'd be able to continue without you? How did it make you feel? Did it cause you any pain? I hope you can forgive me. Please forgive me. I can't even answer the phone when our friends call to check on me 24 hours a day to see if I'm okay. They knock on the door and ask if they can come in, but I'm not yet ready. I haven't been able to let anyone in yet. You abandoning me made me feel as though a large portion of my heart had been jacked out. I don't know how to express how much you wounded me. I can't get over it. I can never get over this.

How could you do this to me!? How could you? Why? Why? Why? Why? Please. Please. Please. Please. Come back to me. I can't live without you. It's too much. Your image is constantly stuck in my head. I can't get it out. Please. Please. Come back. Come back. I should have died instead! Why did you do that? Why? *sobs* I'm sorry. It's all my fault. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's all my fault. But please, please, please, come back to me.

I'm losing my mind. Not seeing you when I awake, but a blurred impression of what was supposed to be you. I can't imagine how difficult it was for you. The pain you suffered because of me. Being paralyzed after seeing your own blood. I was right next to you, but I couldn't help you. It's me.  I'm the problem. It's me. It's entirely my fault.  If anyone should have died, it should have been me. Please my love, please, please, come back to me. I shall never forget our time together as you were my last spring.

I miss you. 


                                                                    Written by Alyssa Chin

Comments

  1. Aja'November 20, 2021 at 9:16 PM

    This was deep but I love it regardless. Continue Queen!

    ReplyDelete

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