I wish you chose to love me today.

This is the first. The first of many words I wish I could tell you. The first of many emotions I could express to you. Our time was cut short. We couldn't be the people that we hoped for and searched for. Rather, we couldn't do it together. I have always thought that what we had was impossible to find. God brought us together and nothing could tear us apart. I was wrong. So many things are against someone finding happiness in another. So many things barricade us from the deepest emotions we wish the other could understand. I love you. Those three simple yet extraordinary words could shake the planet and defeat worlds. I love you so much that it pains me to say goodbye. These words that I've held onto from the start all the way until now are words I don't wish to forget but you force me to return them to memories. I didn't have words before because I wrote based on the pain I felt and even the storm in my life that took over I still was at home with you. You were someone I wanted to run home to always. I understand that we don't want to go home to the chaos in our separate selves but that chaos I wanted to endure with you. Those pains, I wanted to go through with you. These memories I'm forced to forget are only a syllable of the love I am to relinquish and hope for the best. 

Now in this solitude of a world, I can't search for you. I can't stand by you anymore in hopes I could support you. I can't look for you in this vast majority of people because you have left. You have left and taken a piece of my heart with you. With you, I only saw the future. No matter how the tides impacted us, I believed we could've been stronger together. That the world would have to listen to our pleas and that we would have escaped even if it was just by an inch. I know we were hanging and that our world was falling apart but I just wished you had stayed to construct and rebuild every broken area. We had someone who could've supported us always no matter how rough it got. I wish you chose to love me today. I wish you chose to love me tomorrow. I wish you chose to love me. I could barely sleep last night. All that pain, I know I can heal from it but it's also a choice to heal from. For me, healing from this pain means I have to forget about you and allow time to cover and lock our memories away. 

What do I do with the love you left. The flowers that never wilt, the memories that remain standstill, the pictures that are engraved all over, the comfort on the beds I lay, the voices of the ones around me, the ring that's still on my finger, the sweater that I wear every day, the shoes that make me smile, the bags I carry everywhere, the smells that remind me of you, the gifts that you always sent, and the pain you have inflicted on me. What am I to do with all these things I'm left with that constantly seeps into my mind and heart. Where did the soul connection disappear? That feeling of being inevitably loved and cherished. Why couldn't we talk more? Why couldn't we fight more? More time. We had more time but you didn't allow us to use it. I'm sorry we couldn't always provide what we needed for each other but why couldn't we fight more? I have to let you go but I just keep hoping and praying that we can fight more. I have to let you go. We have to do this on our own. We have to grow on our own. Well, I hope you blossom into the most magnificent person that would tell me that this was the right decision. I want you to be the best version of yourself. I want you to be someone who knows he is loved by our God. I want you to love when times are hardest. I want you to learn to be happy. I want you to never forget everything that leads you to where you are. I want you to accomplish all the goals and dreams you set for yourself. I want you to grow so strong nothing can tear you down. Congratulations on every blessing coming your way. I can't be there with you through it. I can't celebrate the good times with you but I am proud of everything you have and will accomplish. 

I still pray for you and I'll keep praying for you because even if right now we can't be together maybe, just maybe, when we've both healed, built our foundation with God and the love still remains, we could find our way back to each other. I hope you'll keep praying for me too. I hope our love was that great and got the chance to be. You'll probably never read this anytime soon, but from all over here, I love you and wish you the world. 

With Love,

Sierra