The little joys.

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Today marks my second anniversary of getting out of therapy. I can't believe that so much has happened since I've been released. That day at the bridge, I'm happy I didn't jump because I would have missed out on so much. The day I left, all I could think about was the concept of freedom and how I would learn to spread my wings. 

Before I was trapped and they said that I could be a butterfly. Why does everyone use the concept of the butterfly stage? As much as I know that it means that we can attain freedom. I still wonder if a butterfly is truly free. Even though it has wings to soar, what if the wings get destroyed? What's the purpose of a butterfly that can't fly?

I've struggled with differentiating between being free and trapped. I think one of the problems that I faced then was that I couldn't recognize that difference. There was no point in me living a trapped life and the only conclusion I could arrive at was that I should just end it all. But what if that day He didn't stop me? What if that day He had abandoned me like some said he had? 

"Have faith in Him because He will always be there," I have heard countless people say. The day I came out I started engulfing myself into the surroundings, not that I couldn't see it before but I got a taste of being free. The strong yet calm wind and the beautiful blue sky. The scenery that filled up the world like a painting, I could only imagine why? Why did I want to leave such a place?

I didn't know I could have gotten better but I did and now experiencing everything to this day. I'm happy, really happy that He was by my side and He spoke to me. He held my hand and told me not to be afraid because He was there. 

I can't compare myself to that of an animal with wings because their wings could be destroyed at any point. I want to describe myself as me. A person that heard Him and listened to Him until the time when I could be happy. I'm grateful for the little things I'm blessed with because I'm lucky to have them. I'm grateful for being able to wake up and just take a new breath of fresh air. 

I owe it all to you because, without you, I would never be free. 


Written by Alyssa Chin
Photo credits: Bruce Holwerda’s Daybreak


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