Our seasons blossomed.

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Being ostracized for our relationship and concealing our hidden feelings for the fear of being shunned and unapproachable. Not being able to love and console each other because of the boundaries set by society and the limited places we can be safe. My love for you is like a rose that has yet to wither but the countless possibilities of us being abandoned is a painful and constant indicator that we can't be, we can't hold hands, we can't hug each other to find solace, we can't exchange words of affection and we can't share intimate nights. It is the reckless and innocent fondness that we share and the way we passionately gaze at one another. 

I wish we lived in a place where I was free to talk to you and we didn't have to meet in secret. "A garden of words," the one place where we are free to laugh and interact. I'm frightened that our relationship gets exposed because only then I will know the true meaning of loneliness. Our unfathomable love and the thought of not exploring it with you, the thought of you not being there is a future of emptiness. But why? Why do we have to separate by what society labels us as? Why can't we live just for me and you? Why should we care about what they have to say and want us to be us? 

My love for you is so abundant yet still, I have to be concealing and holding back the slightest inclination. It's unfair that I can't give you all that's of me and show you how much one could ever love. If only our secret wasn't hidden and we were open and taking chances of just living by ourselves. But we both have anxiety, yours on being abandoned by your family and friends and mine would be the fact that I'm afraid to be ostracized and avoided. My fragile character is one of which I hate but I have tried many times to change still I am just one that cannot be fixed. 

When I'm around you it feels as if I experience all the seasons. You came to me like a fresh spring breeze and the craving I had for you was like a hot summer wave but our isolation from one another would be the shedding of fall and our hidden and secretive relationship with its many flaws would be that of winter. I can't sum up what we could have been but what we can be. I hope our memories can turn into a soon-to-be forever, my blue. 


Written by Alyssa Chin
Photo credit: Ranata Suzuki

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