How I’ll be. (1/3)

“You just don’t love me as you ought to.” It’s not about living with your family that makes you happy but the relationship you hold with whereas I’ve never received the luxury of being loved. As much as I begged my parents to love me even if only a little, all I received was just cold-hearted figures. Not once did my father look at me like a daughter but as a pest that stands in his way. My mother who should love and raise me to be happy only visits me to keep me out of my father’s way. I have been living with them for sixteen years and I still can’t understand what I had done wrong to be treated this way. 

They say I shouldn’t have been born because I’m only troublesome yet I was not the one who asked to be put in this world but out of your mistake I was created and you deprive me of living, you blame me for something I wasn’t capable of doing, you treat me as a slave that should always heed your requests. I would rather be invisible, that you not call on me whenever, wherever for whatever.

You have the misconception that I am owned but I could leave at any minute, I have learned from a young age not to be dependent on you as parents because you will not carry through for me. I have built my life, I have saved and I have collected everything I need. I don’t know what’s holding me back from leaving this instant but I could at any point. I criticize myself for staying in the same place but the idea of you guys giving the smallest sort of sympathy could lead me to waver in my decision.

I know I am not “worthy” to meet your expectations but at least I can say that I did my role as your child. I took care of you both until I had to leave, I never once abandoned you until you make it where I had to, I gave my all to this family hoping for a glint of happiness. 

I’m too old to be acting this immaturely.

                                                                      Written by Alyssa Chin

          Photo Credits by: Popshot Magazine