How I’ll love you. (2/3)

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Mother loves you but this is how mother shows it. Mother can't disobey father or you will get hurt. Mother doesn’t want you to hurt because mother loves you. Mother tries but doesn't try enough. Mother fails and she does so horribly. I'm sorry that mother is a coward who can't face the bad guy. Mother is scared of losing you and making you grow with hate. Mother is desperate for your sake. I'm sorry that mother is useless and can't help but mother hurts too. Every day mother cries for the sake of you I cry to be a better mother and cry for a better future. Father is scary and mother cowers. Mother is frail and easy to turn over. Mother is sick and gives her all but mother can't be with her own created doll.

Mother sees you hurting and wants to help but mother is scared that you'll run away. Mother wants the best for you in everything you do and mother regrets not being able to be with you. Mother is sad when you are sad, mother is happy when you are but mother hides all she feels because father gets angry when mother shows the slightest empathy. Mother hates herself for not taking care of you, mother wants to take you and run but mother is afraid that father will find you and hurt you when mother is around. 

I don't want to be afraid of father so I can stay with you, my daughter. Mother wants to run but she can't hide. Mother has no one to help her. Mother is trying but her efforts are in vain. Mother wants a new life where she can be free. Mother wants to feel ecstasy. Mother wants love and a family to love. Mother wants to be cherished and heard. Mother wants to be cared for and looked after. 

Mother wants to spoil you with the best of stuff. Mother wants to go out with you to spend time. Mother wants to cook the best food for you and bake with you. Mother wants to live life and enjoy it with you. Mother loves you and wants the best for you. Mother wants to hug you and kiss you. Mother is lonely without you. Mother is slowly breaking for you. 

I'm sorry that I couldn't be the parent that you needed me to be.


Written by Alyssa Chin
Photo Credits: Tracie MacVean




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