Jealousy.

I have been struggling with this problem for ages and it doesn’t look as if it’s going anywhere. The simplest of things get me jealous whether it wasn’t intentional or it was purposeful. Trying to overcome the struggle has led me to deeper roots of the struggle and even shallow ones. It makes me feel as if I depend on the people around me for the sake of my happiness. 

Just as much in whatever I give, I would want back. Just as much as I see I would want to be shown. It’s very complicated as to how to control this emotion of jealousy because it kinda relates to that of inferiority and trust me you wouldn’t like feeling like that. They say that inferiority is being lower in status or quality than others but what I feel is that someone is just better than me or showing off that they’re better than me.

Maybe it’s what inferiority we have, that triggers the sense of jealousy inside us and causes us to have a constant craving for something. In my case, I have the constant yearning for attention and love and my brain to develop properly but we aren’t looking at that one. Just, if I could get over this phase I think I could maybe have a better outlook on when I want to try new things. I hate that I’m not as talented as the people I see on the screen but at the same time, I’m jealous thinking that even if I try that will never be me because of how I am and how my mind works. 

When it comes on to jealousy in a relationship, you could lose so much but at the same time lose yourself. It doesn’t come off as you being cute even though sometimes it is, but looking at the bigger picture. It’s not cute. The feeling being evoked in you makes you feel both anger and pettiness if you’re a petty person that is. And me? I’m very petty. It’s not an if, but, when, or where but a straight answer. I am a very petty human. 

So if you’re gonna try with me, ganbatte ne(がんばってね). It means Good luck, btw if you were too lazy to use google translate.

 

Written by Alyssa Chin