Anonymous.
Why do you always blame me for everything you do wrong? I'm tired of trying to make you happy and her happy. I'm tired of expending all my energy for you to feel good about yourself and save yourself from regret. I'm tired of giving you my all because it amounts to nothing because that's what I am to you, nothing. You treat me like I'm expendable, can always come back from the harshest of punishments, and I can never be my true self in front of you because I have to hide behind this facade to protect myself from your wrath and the shame you place on me. Why am I always the one you turn to when you need to release anger, why am I the one always in trouble for another, why am I receiving unfair punishment, and when I object it makes things worse.
You're swallowing me, my life, and taking control of the only thing that could be physically represented as mine. Why do you continue to betray me in such harsh conditions? Why do you continue to take others' sides instead of mine? You are meant to be the one to shield me from harm and unfair punishments but instead, I receive it tenfolds from you. And why do I always come back to your lacking love, because I crave your love? Because you are the only one that I want it from? Because you raised me?
You use me. You don't love me, you just need me. You don't try to understand me you just give up on me. Just admit that even though you raised me and claimed you loved me, you know you're useless without me. Just as I am without you. You can't survive by yourself because you have gotten so used to me. You don't know how to live by yourself because I'm always there. You can't leave me just as I can't leave you. We need each other and we both know that. You are tied to me just as I am tied to you. You might not like hurting me but you do it unconsciously and I take it all because I fear you're rejection, I fear your decision to give up on me. No matter how much you batter me to the ground when you are to lift me up, no matter how much you ignore me when you are supposed to listen and no matter how much you turn your back on me when you are supposed to be present, you know and I know that I will always come running back to you like your loyal dog because you trained me to always come back.
You lie. And I lie. We both lie but we never lie. Why do you lie to me? I lie to protect myself from your lies. But I can't understand, why, why do you do this to me? Did I do something wrong, did I disappoint you in such a way that our once-sweet relationship has turned sour. The days when I could hug you and get a warm embrace, the days you would play with me, was all of it a lie? An illusion? A fantasy? Why, why must I endure this? I don't want the others to feel this even though they hurt me too. Why must you both hurt me and me, why can't I hurt you? Why can't I say harsh things too, why can't I release my burdens too? Because I know it will hurt you and I don't want you to be hurt. I don't want you to feel pain even though it seems that I imply much of it.
I don't want to see you suffer, it would hurt me even more. I can't take myself up to resent you either and I'm frustrated by it. I hate you but I love you. I love you but I hate you. Our cycle will never break because you can't lose me and I can't lose you.
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