I promise you.

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You don't know how much it hurts me that I hurt you. It pains me that I'm always selfish, it pains me that I can never make you happy. It feels as if I can't live without you but it seems I'm only hindering you by being around you constantly. I'm sorry that I couldn't hear your cries. No, I heard your cries but I couldn't answer them I heard you screaming for me and showing me all the signs but I didn't know how to approach them. I may have looked as if I gave up but I didn't and you're right, I'm selfish, and trust me I hate myself for that. I feel as if I have stolen your light, the one that was made for you and I don't know how to give it back. I'm sorry that I always depend on you and always need you around me. I always give in to my selfish desires because I fear being abandoned and the feeling of loneliness. 

I'm sorry that I'm such a bad friend to you, that I couldn't give you my all when you gave me your all. I'm sorry that I lied to you, but I did it because I didn't want to burden you even more than I was. I'm sorry I found someone new and it seems like I have tossed you to the side but really and truly you can never be replaced. That "new" person that you refer to is someone that makes me happy which you wanted me to be and that might be ironic since I stole everything from you but I made a promise to myself that I wanted to make you happy. I didn't pay much attention but I do try, I feel like I can't figure you out by what you give and I know I need to push and push harder. I'm sorry that I give up so easily.

To you, it may seem like you just passed by but to me, it was so much more than that. You changed me, you helped me, and best of all you made me find out what and who I could be. Now it's my turn to do the same for you. It may take a while since I seem to be slow in these areas but even if it takes a thousand tries I will always, always, push you, not to be who you once were but better. I will push you to realize your full potential because there is so much more to you than what you mention of yourself. 

Once again I'm sorry for the pain I've caused and I'm sorry for the future where I'm going to nag and pressure you constantly to know who you are and everything that you're capable of doing, I will bring forth. I make this promise to you that I will do my very best in making you become you. 




Written by Alyssa Chin
Photo Credits: Elly Smallwood





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