If I was supposed to tell my January self.

2022 has been the most wonderful, amazing yet horrible year of my life. It started out with a twist of me adjusting back to school and reuniting with people that were long hidden. January flew by so fast, I was given the opportunity to connect with someone who today I still hold dearly in my heart. February brought change. In this month I not only thought of a specific person every day, I went out with my friends constantly and introduced this person to almost everyone around me. February allowed me to connect with my best friend on a deeper level and showed me how important friends are in this modern age. March brought two emotions: Love and Joy. For the first time, I had my taste of the so-called "Teenage Romance". I believed that this stereotype was only for the fortunate ones but apparently, it happens for those of us on the sidelines too. He was a gentleman and at my age, all the adults probably thought the same thing, he just wanted to take advantage of my daughter. Even though I wished that they would have a little more faith in the fact that I choose people wisely.

At the age of sixteen, I went on an emotional rollercoaster of trying to handle the new emotions brought to me by this person and the struggle of coping with burnout from school. I was slowly drifting back to how it was previously but I'm thankful that I didn't drown amid everything that happened. In the month of April, I went on my first camping experience, I very much enjoyed being around people my age and spending the weekend with them. I made some truly valuable memories that I'm sure will never fade. April was an exciting month in giving me the chance to learn patience and that being introverted all the time would hold me back from the many opportunities life has to offer. I started my journey of growth process as I decided to give it a go. 

May was the start of chaos and disaster. Not only counting down to my examination period I also had to be around for my loved ones who were currently grieving their first death and that's always the worst. It led to many arguments on both ends for both of the two closest people to me. It was also a time of reflection and balance. In terms of reflection, I thought about the first time I experienced death and how destroyed I was whereas balance that when something good has been happening for so long something bad was approaching. I had forgotten this because I was caught up in the life that was going so well. I was also at the brink of the ending of most of the relationships around me and I realized how fragile they are. If one person was to drift the bond slowly breaks. 

In the month of June, I was completely consumed by exams and my mind was on nothing but the hope to succeed in all of them as they were going to determine my life in the next couple months. Although a stressful period, I had tried to multitask in the things happening around me, and in doing so I was losing myself and because I still wasn't out of the burnout phase I started to lack more motivation. After exams, I started getting back to the usual things and this included bringing back the people I lost. Two persons in particular. I noticed that one of these relationships was going down the wrong road and that caused me a bit of panic. The other was forming back because we believe that we are twin flames and even though we'll go through difficult periods we will always find ourselves back to each other. 

July brought both experience and heartbreak. Serious, serious heartbreak. I experienced prom for the first time with someone that I loved and I enjoyed the time that was spent. On the other hand, I was completely devasted and in tears over the heartbreak that happened shortly after. It literally felt like I was a hollow tree. At that moment, I felt weak and cried my eyes out. After this, I went out with my friends regardless every single week until I was slowly taking him out of my mind. I slept throughout the day and decided to get a job. In the month of August, it brought new tides and I started my first-ever job and met amazing people. The people who I worked with made my time working bearable and I'm glad that I actually went. I also received shocking news that I would be migrating to the US and that was both a happy and sad occasion. 

Even though working I still went out and made the rest of my days in Jamaica memorable. I ended up crying with my best friend in the bathroom in the end because I would be leaving her and all my friends and family behind to start this new life in a new country with a new family. In September, I arrived in the US, and at first, visiting everywhere seemed cool until I was stuck in the house all day. I eventually met someone who started bringing me out and buying me food. At first, I believed he was my savior and now I'm really glad I met him. The time spent with him was fun because he was cool and my type but I learned a lot about him that I can see who he is without him believing so of course. October flew by very fast and I made a connection with this person and a stronger connection with my grandparents. I did a lot of shopping and now my account is empty.

November, I traveled a lot! From taking my first plane ride by myself and visiting my aunt and uncle to moving to a different state. At first, I thought it would be awkward coming into a new family but they've been very adjustable and make me feel as comfortable as possible. I hope to start building some relationships with them soon. Now moving into December, I haven't spoken to the one I met in September but if we meet again I hope he doesn't act weird. I got into the school I wanted and will be starting in January. I just know that 2023 is going to be a whole new experience and to be honest even though I can't handle change, I can't wait. 

Written by Alyssa Chin