Words from Alyssa

Sometimes I don't like your touch even though I want to. Your hands are stained with those who were before me and that triggers a sense of repulsiveness that tends to take up my mind. Your hand which caresses me gives me a comforting feeling but once you retract, the only thing I can think about is the fact that you have done this before. Your hands even though are meant to comfort me and protect me yet somehow undeniably end up hurting me. This feeling that I don't want to encounter continues to ruin the love you try to give. Your experience and maturity, your age, and your actions all frighten me so much. You can gently move my hair and make my heart flutter but trust me when you leave and my thoughts consume me, I'm scared to know where that hand was before you touched me. Did you interact with another girl today? I'm scared to know what you did. I'm scared. But who am I to tell you to change, just because of my title. I want to procure our love but you scare me ...

Perfect little family and perfect little lies It all comes down to love, but I'm contemplating whether it's love or yearning Lectures on end and disagreements back and forth What am I supposed to do when I only wanted to experience the other side of the high wall? When I've finally crossed the threshold and it appears I'm back to square one How do I stop the hatred growing deep within me? Making me guilty and feeling all this regret Secret judging and constantly isolated  What am I supposed to do when I can't see what I was chasing after this whole time? Perfect little family and perfect little lies It's becoming harder and harder to love and I can't simply forget how you did me wrong Am I supposed to love you because you love me? How far can your love go for me when I actually show who I am  When you actually meet the real side of me All this guilt that's being forced upon me like I deserve it Am I the one who's wrong? Or am I the one you failed to ...

Dear Diary, I met a boy. He was really cute and really sweet. Well, at first. Now, he's become someone that I wish I could hate. Just writing about him is making me smile and reminding me of his, which was really amazing by the way. He has a way with words in both good and bad cases but that didn't stop me from liking him. He's the first boy I want and I can't have. It's unfair really, he was the one who liked me first but now the tables turned and I'm the one liking him. I fell for him, not love but a strong sense of liking him. When I just met him, I showed him the confident me, strong-willed and the more go-getter of life but when he actually met the real me, the attention-seeking, clingy, and soft-hearted girl, he showed me how much he was just attracted to the fake me instead of the real one. We went from talking every day to once a month. Went from almost lovers to acquaintances and what's really funny is that I still think of him, almost every day wel...

It's cold again How much does it need to be before you actually see me Before you leave and say you couldn't feel, How much will you take  Just to make my heart ache! You started it but sadly you couldn't finish it. Telling me words I would want to hear  And pretending like you would be there, You lied! And now you have this newfound freedom  That I don't wish to deprive you of. This is my message  Goodbye and thank you. You have shown me what it takes  And now I know I know what you were teaching me. I should have prepared for this time, Although I'll always be with you and you'll always be with me We'll never indeed be what we wanted to be. Thank you for the good days and the bad ones  But now I must set you free, Because if I keep you trapped like what you've done to me You'll never be able to leave me. You've shown me love and given me joy All it takes to make me yours, But I won't stop you from what it needs to be  And for that, I hope y...