Perfect little family and Perfect little lies.

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Perfect little family and perfect little lies
It all comes down to love, but I'm contemplating whether it's love or yearning
Lectures on end and disagreements back and forth
What am I supposed to do when I only wanted to experience the other side of the high wall?
When I've finally crossed the threshold and it appears I'm back to square one
How do I stop the hatred growing deep within me?
Making me guilty and feeling all this regret
Secret judging and constantly isolated 
What am I supposed to do when I can't see what I was chasing after this whole time?

Perfect little family and perfect little lies
It's becoming harder and harder to love and I can't simply forget how you did me wrong
Am I supposed to love you because you love me?
How far can your love go for me when I actually show who I am 
When you actually meet the real side of me
All this guilt that's being forced upon me like I deserve it
Am I the one who's wrong?
Or am I the one you failed to understand?
I will never be able to fit in this family picture. 

Perfect little family and perfect little lies
I can't even breathe anymore
My words are trapped by guilt and the fear of how they will be received 
The tears that I wouldn't be able to save you from 
The hurt and damage I would cause if I was to so much utter how I feel
Burdened by keeping it all back, my only escape with my words has to be coded because I can't hurt you because I don't want to hurt you
I would believe that I love you but when I reminisce on everything that has made me who I am today
There's some regret in how much was missed.

Perfect little family and perfect little lies 
I can't even see the person who I looked up to 
The person that I would beg to be there but couldn't be 
No matter how old I grow I don't know if I will ever be able to regain the childhood that I missed out on.
I want to say that you can make up for it by being there now but you don't understand the monster you have created, it's not my fault I am why I am 
I just couldn't protect myself from the dangers that you were to protect me from
I couldn't understand the things I was supposed to before and now your presence is here and you don't know how to manage me
This storm that you have brought along
You trap me and lock me up like I'm some child 
That's what you were supposed to do then but now is when I'm supposed to go out and experience more.

Perfect little family and perfect little lies
I wonder how you feel about me
I wonder if you know how I feel about you
But I'm sure you can't because I can't even understand it myself 
And honestly, I don't think you ever will 
I so crave the childhood that I saw others experience
I wanted a hug too, I wanted to be lifted up too, and I wanted to see my parents cheer me on at different events too.
You missed all of what made me who I am today 
And now you want the right to rewrite the parts you were supposed to write and what I had to program by myself
You don't have the right to rewrite any part of my circuit.

Perfect little family and perfect little lies
Where were you?
You love me, You love me, You love me, where the hell were you?
I can't be upset because I would be the bad person
I can't scream and shout and throw a tantrum because I would be wrong.
I have to lie, that's what I always have to do, lie
I have to lie to protect you
I have to lie to protect me
I have to lie to protect this perfect little family with their perfect little lies. 


Written by Alyssa Chin


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