Words from Alyssa

I watched as you walked down the aisle to someone who wasn't me. Your eyes glistened, you were in the most beautiful dress and I had to silently smile for your happiness. Where did it go wrong? We were so happy together, I seriously thought that you were the woman whom I ought to marry. You were my everything, my light, my happiness, my joy, my safe place, and my love but we drifted, further than I thought we would have and left our love dying. As I see you I imagine what if I had only left my parents, would we have been together?  My love still goes on and as strong as ever but I guess you were bound to leave, bound to be taken away by the cruelty of destiny. You were my first love and will be my only love because I guarantee that I will not be able to love anyone as much as I love you. It hurts that I won't be able to hold you in my arms and have happy days when we would go for walks or get ice cream. It hurts that I have to watch you go to another man that seems to be your i...

Okay on a serious note, my year was shit but at the same time, it was one of my best years ever. I came to my realization that as much of the things that I had lost, I had also gained. January was the start of disaster when the whole covid 19 got worse and the stress of doing online school was affecting me, a lot! My mental health was totally down the drain and not to imagine the amount of drama that took place. It was a new experience for both me and the people around me.  Who would have expected that I would have on a pageant, run for the secretary of the student council, start a club, rebuild a club, start a podcast, start blogging, become an activist, get a new phone that I wanted, become closer to God, applied for college, do cosplay, and most importantly become a more outspoken person?  This year I have met so many inspiring and amazing people that shine brighter than the sun and they helped push me to pass my limit. I also regret losing some of the closest persons aroun...

A simple and inevitable love that formed just by the fabric of time had me running in circles for a story to unfold. Walking down a path where we hold each other's hands and the breeze of change gives us the opportunity to look forward to our forever. The ecstasy from your slightest touch sends shivers throughout my whole body.  A simple yet irrevocable love that not the strongest of challenges can defy. As we walk through mountains of memories and run through the thickest of misery, I breathe for you and you alone. Your look always reassures me that no one could dare compare and the warmth that pleases me and makes it able for me to greet another day.  The sturdy figure that you have before me signifies your affection and with just an effortless kiss you can seal the most desirable craving. The one that makes me feel both as a child and as a young woman experiencing mania. Your whole existence gives me a reason to feel more alive and gives me the thrill of my life. The possib...

When I think about it, I would have never guessed that the reason I was like this, pushing everyone and everything away was because I was trapped. I was locked in a cage wanting to be free. I didn't know I was suffocating until I realized that I wasn't free. The thought still lingers in my mind, am I really trapped or being deluded by my imagination? The pain and everything in my body was all stored and I couldn't let it free because I wasn't free. I couldn't live a happy life because I never knew how to live one but I now realize that it's up to me to determine my happiness. This is just me putting words to paper and it's easier said than done but is it that I was just keeping myself from experiencing the different passages of life. Was I giving up on my freedom before it came to me? I wonder if I had chosen to live would my life have been better than how it is now? Would I be able to smile a genuine smile and have positive thoughts. Is it that I was preven...

The bruises on my body signified you were here. The scars that you left embedded deep within me. The shackles that you placed on me, repeatedly dragging me around. The excruciating pain and horror, the breaths for life, the suffocating endearment I felt that all made me want to die. The fact that I loved you when I should have not. Feeling betrayed by the words you persistently told me and led me astray with feelings that were naught.  I was just an easy target for you to win and you forcefully did and took my most delicate possession. No matter how much I screamed and begged for you to stop, you didn't even give me the time of day. Not once, not even once did you listen to my cries.  I had trusted you and you turned out to be my worst nightmare not knowing that you could have deceived me like this. Being held captive as your prisoner who couldn't retaliate. You always pushed me down thrusting harder and harder with every shriek. You sadistic piece of shit. I feel dirty. I can...

Being ostracized for our relationship and concealing our hidden feelings for the fear of being shunned and unapproachable. Not being able to love and console each other because of the boundaries set by society and the limited places we can be safe. My love for you is like a rose that has yet to wither but the countless possibilities of us being abandoned is a painful and constant indicator that we can't be, we can't hold hands, we can't hug each other to find solace, we can't exchange words of affection and we can't share intimate nights. It is the reckless and innocent fondness that we share and the way we passionately gaze at one another.  I wish we lived in a place where I was free to talk to you and we didn't have to meet in secret. "A garden of words," the one place where we are free to laugh and interact. I'm frightened that our relationship gets exposed because only then I will know the true meaning of loneliness. Our unfathomable love and t...