Words from Alyssa

I constantly get this feeling that someone keeps watching me. I don't know where because every time I look around there's no one there but I'm sure there is. They follow me from work and when I go to school. When I'm in my house even though all the windows and doors are closed. When I'm on the bus, everywhere. I told my friends and all they kept telling me was that I'm just imagining things because I'm not used to living alone yet so now I'm actually wondering if I was making things up or that someone was actually following me. These days I keep getting the sense of mixing reality with my dreams and it's becoming more and more terrifying.  I woke up one day at the train station and can't remember how I got there. People were staring at me like I was homeless because I was covered in my nightwear but for the life of me, I can't even remember leaving the house. Another time I dreamt that I was at work and went through the entire day then came h...

2022 has been the most wonderful, amazing yet horrible year of my life. It started out with a twist of me adjusting back to school and reuniting with people that were long hidden. January flew by so fast, I was given the opportunity to connect with someone who today I still hold dearly in my heart. February brought change. In this month I not only thought of a specific person every day, I went out with my friends constantly and introduced this person to almost everyone around me. February allowed me to connect with my best friend on a deeper level and showed me how important friends are in this modern age. March brought two emotions: Love and Joy. For the first time, I had my taste of the so-called "Teenage Romance". I believed that this stereotype was only for the fortunate ones but apparently, it happens for those of us on the sidelines too. He was a gentleman and at my age, all the adults probably thought the same thing, he just wanted to take advantage of my daughter. Eve...

The tingling sensation in my fingertips as I run them all over your beautifully sculpted physique. The heat is emitted from your body and the warm hands that console my tender yet ferocious canvas. The want that both of us yearn for. Our impulse to demand each other's full attention and the gaze of your eyes drifting but still staring deeply into the amiss of our tragic yet deeming longing. The excitement of both our bodies mingling and being tangled, needing more and craving more. The desperate desire of having each other wholly and the warmth that comes with it. The soft words being uttered and the scent of eros seeping through the room. Drowning in your fragrance, I feel like I'm in a frenzy with your lustful and mystical embrace. My mind and judgment are clouded by your intoxicating taste. I'm drawn in by your compelling nature. The way you move so eloquently makes me want you more and more. The sounds you make and the way you look just dragging me by a thread.  Your vo...

There is a burning rage and hurt in my body that's setting my heart ablaze. I wonder if you think of me as much as I think of you. You have clouded my thoughts with all this pain that I must rid of but I can still remember our times. The kisses that we shared, the hugs that made me melt, the way you would lift me. The constant messages of "Good morning" followed by words of affection and the occasional "Goodnight", the checkups during the day of how I was doing and if I ate. If I stretched because I had been at home all day. The happiness I felt seeing your name pop up on my screen, the way my heart raced when you called, and the names you would call me. The way you made me feel utterly wanted but unwanted at the same time. I believe what we had was special but on the other hand, you might not. I am proud of myself for letting you go because if I didn't you would've continued to lead me on and I would feel more pain if I had spent more time with you. The...

I can hear the crack of the facade that I raised. I don't know if it's because I'm wrapped in his cloth or your lies. I can feel the impenetrable walls of the unsteady mountain chip and break. Whether it's the fear of being alone or the pain that comes with it, it just seems to shallow the halls within. Your lies echo these walls tearing the fragments that held it together and his scent lingers with a trace of disgust and longing. I can't tell if it's harsh words or meaningless lies, but worst of all, I now can't tell whether it's real or fake. Moving from a rock to a boulder required much effort and I wouldn't have expected that it was this easy to break into multiple pieces. I want them but they never want me. Why must love come with such burdens and complications? Maybe it wasn't love just lust and infatuation mixed with obsession and wanting. You were different but I shouldn't have expected the outcome to be.  You want to focus on yoursel...