The Man you ought to be.

Show me, that love you say you have for me

Adore me like one of those posters on your wall

Tell me the words that I like to hear

Make me want to fear your presence and seek it all at once

Give me that look of passion burning in your eyes

The one you had at the start at least 

Don't cross me because you won't see my cries

Look at me like you craved me your entire life

Get on your knees and look up at the woman I'm becoming

Beg forgiveness because you were in the wrong 

And praise me like I'm the only one you'll ever touch 

I told myself I would no longer write about you 

But that's all I do, that's all I manage to control 

I can keep myself in check with the words that I let out of my head

You've gone forward without looking back

And placed a block on me in both a realistic and unrealistic sense

You have completely shut me out of your world

But no matter how I try 

You always end up coming back to mine

You ran away with everything you presented to the table

Was it too hard in that short period of time?

I say this is how I cope 

Talking about you, watching you, listening to your music, writing about you

But maybe this was a curse you placed on me 

A curse that causes me to always think of you 

A curse that causes me to miss you 

A curse that causes me to love you more when you're not here 

But the thing is

Why? Why did you leave so abruptly? 

Actually, it was the same as how you came

You ran away from a woman who would have been able to give you everything 

And if she couldn't, she would have learned to provide you with everything 

I can't let some boy like you stop me from experiencing love

But you really did some damage

There will be a day when a man chases me and yeah I'll think of you 

There will be a day when a man sings for me again and yeah I'll think of you

And he's going to praise me and adore me, just the way you did and I'll think of you even more

But he won't leave me like you did and he'll treat me even better than you did

I know sometimes people need space but I wonder 

Was it best to meet you and have all those memories?

Or was it better I never met you at all?

I loved our time together and cherish it a lot 

Nevertheless, it still brings pain to my chest every time 

Every time I hear your name

Or every time I see your name

Or look back at your pictures or just when I miss your presence 

You have been engraved

Engraved on my mind, engraved on my heart, engraved on my soul 

And I want to cross out your name in the places that you left it

In the mouths of the people around me

In the spaces, you filled with me 

I want to erase every part that you have ever gotten to touch and exist in 

I go downstairs, in my own house, and I only see you

I look on my phone and I don't see your name calling 

I look for you in my words but it's only how good you were 

I look for you in the mall but I'm hallucinating you there

I look for you at school knowing where you were 

But this, I guess, is how it feels to be hurt

Once again hurt by a man that doesn't deserve my time 

Oh sorry not man but boy that doesn't deserve my time

But you, you were just like the rest

I have good choices in terms of finding gentlemen and men who show a lot of love

But I also have the same choices in the sense they crack under pressure 

Me too, I break under pressure but I don't let it come in between me and you 

But the boys, they always let it come between you and me

And the funny thing is that they come back and say they were wrong but I tried to tell you that 

You ignored me and moved on and forced me to move on

But really you didn't move on

And I had to go through the torment to move on 

But that's how boys are

And I, I'm really tired of finding boys. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Written by Alyssa Chin