Words from Alyssa

Promises kept, Promises broken I promised to love you and have kept it as strong today as it was before you uttered the words "I love you" from your lips I promised to stand in your corner and I still do Promises that hurt become promises that are broken Promises kept, Promises broken If only the hug you gave before I left could keep its warmth  If only I could remember the scent that trailed behind If only I could keep the tears from falling the last time we said "I love you" If only I could forget what it was like being in your embrace If only I could forget the source of joy that sprouted each time I was with you If only I could remember and forget at the same time Promises kept, Promises broken Why have you broken your promises? I still carry that broken promise with me everywhere It's seen every tear and every plead   It's heard conversations of many  And traveled further than it should've But I've held on to your promise even closer Hoping that...

This is the first. The first of many words I wish I could tell you. The first of many emotions I could express to you. Our time was cut short. We couldn't be the people that we hoped for and searched for. Rather, we couldn't do it together. I have always thought that what we had was impossible to find. God brought us together and nothing could tear us apart. I was wrong. So many things are against someone finding happiness in another. So many things barricade us from the deepest emotions we wish the other could understand. I love you. Those three simple yet extraordinary words could shake the planet and defeat worlds. I love you so much that it pains me to say goodbye. These words that I've held onto from the start all the way until now are words I don't wish to forget but you force me to return them to memories. I didn't have words before because I wrote based on the pain I felt and even the storm in my life that took over I still was at home with you. You were som...

To My Dearest,       What if you just fade into my memories? What if you become someone that I'll look through my photos and call a stranger or rather say that you were someone that I used to know? I think it hurts how much one isn't capable of understanding another. It literally feels like I'm drowning in my own nightmare knowing that you're right there but you can't do anything about it. All these insecurities and fears hold me back from the person I ought to be in fear of rejection from the person that I love the most. How come when everything is failing, there just seems to be more that's being added. Am I to ignore every warning sign in the protection of my heart? Am I to turn off the feelings that are closing in on me? What am I to do with all these emotions if I can't express them the way I should? It hurts me every time I hurt you. I'm sorry that I always do. I'm sorry that I always hurt you.       I can't promise that the grass will alwa...

You don't adore me the way you used to You don't look at me like before You don't talk to me the way I remember  I don't feel the same as before Right now it feels like you're trying to get even  And that's all that matters. I miss being in your eyes When you would look at me and just adore me I miss the way we would always resolve things Now you ask why we can't and it's because it's not the same The relationship isn't the same We are NOT the same. But you don't even pursue me like how you did I want to be selfish too You don't want to entertain something that I want to feel You don't understand no matter how many times it comes up Because it seems unfair and it seems like something you shouldn't do Why is it that in the start you did? So many things changed  We both changed  But I keep wondering, is it better? I don't feel as connected as before I don't feel as you seek me as before I've come to realize that I'm ...

I hate this Everything about it I hate this feeling of hate The feeling I don't belong My thoughts don't belong  Does that equate to nothing? I feel nothing But I feel everything Look at the hidden scars she scatters over her body When people see them, she gets praised For they do not see the actuality but are masked by the invisibility  She seeks everything yet chases nothing She lives like nothing for existing She exists in hoping that it will be living She dies, but only on the inside  She lies but only to prevent a sacrifice She's scared and broken  Run, run, run little girl Cry, cry, cry little girl Be free from the shackles of you and me Because  she sees what I see Look further beyond the portrait Look deeper past the words For there lies a girl that storms when bringing up her past Fly, fly, fly little girl  Sing, sing, sing little girl  Your songs are to be echoed in one-pitch harmony Deafening to the ears of those who refuse to hear  Not...

This is where the lie that I was afraid of gradually worsens Supposing I'm just like the rest but concealed for the beauty of your eyes Maybe it's the way I talk or the way I act that creates the push-and-pull effect I'm not the person you know  I don't even know the one you know  That sometimes scares me because I don't know the image of the person you painted in your head  It could've been the side of me that rarely comes out that you fell in love with What are the possibilities of love at first sight? Maybe one in a million to you, but when you explore everything that's to come  You'll compare me with the rest of them  I'm just like any other and don't have much about me  I'm stuck with the person I used to be  In a place I don't wish to be The constant repetition of how much you love me Drives me to insanity, making me think that I have the capabilities What are the possibilities of love at first sight? These feelings that I have, sho...

I have concluded that my life is absolutely dominated by the meaning of love or maybe it's the feeling. Not just romantically but every form of love there is to exist. The warmth, and need for love constantly draws me to believe that I can't function without it. I struggled with the meaning of love for years. The confusion I faced in my relationships always made me question the validity of my definition of love. I used to hear that you can't define love but what if there was a more straight-forward definition that most of us overlook. 1 Corinthians 13:1-8 says, " Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." What if we were to cultivate these traits within ourselves? I think doing tha...

My anger continues to boil just at the thought of the things I can't predict. You're supposed to keep going. Instead, you stopped. I don't know how to differentiate between giving up and stopping. I want you to pursue me and fight for me. Fight me. Harder than I would like. Make me talk to you. I keep it all bottled inside knowing I want it to burst out because deep down I want to communicate with you. Deep down, I want you to understand everything about me but I'm stubborn baby. I can't fight it sometimes and I want you to break down that stubbornness of mine. Make it that I wouldn't even think of withholding anything from you. I know it's not fair and it's selfish but that's who I am. I am selfish. I'm waiting. I'm waiting for you to come for me. But you're not here. I can't feel you. If I can't feel you, how am I to know who I'm confiding in. Please come for me. I'm waiting.  Seeing how you can laugh instead of forcing ...

Turning back the time as if you were still present  Back to the very first day, my eyes intertwined with yours  Back to the start of our conversation when you first said hello  How captivated and ignorant I was of the charm that you would later show  Maybe if I had appreciated your presence a little more,  Then we would have had more time to explore The root of this frustration lies in that I overlooked those beautiful eyes  If I could just turn back the time and give you a push Your confidence would learn to fight for me in that moment  And how it would soar Truly it was a sight to behold The stuttering of your words and the nervousness presented in your body  I find it amusing how one could put such confidence forth but still hesitate like being trapped by an unexplainable force. Written by Alyssa Chin Photo Credit: Ron Hicks