Words from Alyssa

I gave you acceptance  Which was something I didn't want to do You'll probably leave just like the others do Because there are no promises you won't  It doesn't make sense to get attached to you You say you will take care of me  And you won't depart But when you can no longer stay  What will you say? When you are tired of your unbounded contract  You will pack up and leave  Because that's the right thing to do And even if you stay, it won't be the same  You will be tied back to an innocent promise It will more likely turn into a broken promise You aren't tied to a contract so how could I be sure That when you are in a fury You won't slam the door You say you love me and cherish me so  But will it stay the same even when you're ready to go The misconceptions that could take place  And how easily you could perceive me  I'm afraid to believe you because you could just be like the rest You see me as an angel but I'm really in disguise You se...

Like on a cool autumn night your shadow danced before my eyes. The feeling of lost and guilt consume me as I drown in my fears and desires, which leave me hanging like a rope on a tree branch. The melody of my heart in sync with the tune of your character and your bleak but sharp words piercing through my harsh world. Your color resonates with mine and fills my world with even more depressing characters and sad-filled horrors. The color that once was bright became dull like a bulb that fades into darkness.   As I hug your memories and dance with what you used to be. You were gone with the wind and carried into a place of no return. Disappeared into the night of what we were and what we were to be. Twirling into a fairytale and a land filled with fantasies and desires of what it should be. The deepest and utmost feeling of familiarity to you as if we were intertwined. Flew out of this world and never once returned. Your charismatic demeanor which I how so love gives off the impressi...

Maybe if you didn't die in front of me would make the pain of losing you hurt even less. I killed you, I'm the one who took your life, I killed you. I'm sorry I said those hurtful words, I'm sorry I couldn't make it in time. I'm always late, aren't I? You gave me so much love and what I returned was your demise. I love you too, but it's too late to say that, you're not here anymore. We started from different backgrounds but I was given the chance to meet you and you made me happy. I wish I never met you because you wouldn't have to die because of me, even if I didn't know you it would have been better than seeing a picture of you hanging over flowers.  You left me with a reminder that I can't get rid of, an embodiment of you, same features, same smile, everything about her reminds me of you. I'm sorry, I was late, I'm sorry about everything I said. I-I killed you. I have to take responsibility, I have to give her all the love I co...

Everything is useless no matter what I do. There's no point in refusing you. Makes me forget everything I do because I know that's all I'm meant to do. I can't take care of my own family. I'm a useless drunk on the verge of dying. I pressure my wife and disregard my child yet I find myself wanting to be a family. Doing what I see on the screen and laughing at what we find funny.  But with how I am, I'm not going to reach very far. It's not that I hate you, it's just I can't express myself very well. What does it mean to be a family? I'm no woman but I hate looking at my body, seeing my scars and all the things that make me who I am. It's not fair how I was given this and how I am now, I didn't do anything to deserve his yet I find myself in the same situation every day.  My Daughter wants my love and I want to give it to her but no one taught me any better so how am I supposed to truly show her that  I care. Who knew children would be so ...

Mother loves you but this is how mother shows it. Mother can't disobey father or you will get hurt. Mother doesn’t want you to hurt because mother loves you. Mother tries but doesn't try enough. Mother fails and she does so horribly. I'm sorry that mother is a coward who can't face the bad guy. Mother is scared of losing you and making you grow with hate. Mother is desperate for your sake. I'm sorry that mother is useless and can't help but mother hurts too. Every day mother cries for the sake of you I cry to be a better mother and cry for a better future. Father is scary and mother cowers. Mother is frail and easy to turn over. Mother is sick and gives her all but mother can't be with her own created doll. Mother sees you hurting and wants to help but mother is scared that you'll run away. Mother wants the best for you in everything you do and mother regrets not being able to be with you. Mother is sad when you are sad, mother is happy when you are but ...

“You just don’t love me as you ought to.” It’s not about living with your family that makes you happy but the relationship you hold with whereas I’ve never received the luxury of being loved. As much as I begged my parents to love me even if only a little, all I received was just cold-hearted figures. Not once did my father look at me like a daughter but as a pest that stands in his way. My mother who should love and raise me to be happy only visits me to keep me out of my father’s way. I have been living with them for sixteen years and I still can’t understand what I had done wrong to be treated this way.  They say I shouldn’t have been born because I’m only troublesome yet I was not the one who asked to be put in this world but out of your mistake I was created and you deprive me of living, you blame me for something I wasn’t capable of doing, you treat me as a slave that should always heed your requests. I would rather be invisible, that you not call on me whenever, wherever for...