Words from Alyssa

It was a period where our hearts were intertwined with one another. The period I was able to say that I owned you and you owned me. The moment of satisfaction and pleasure that we both gave each other. The happiness and sadness of our essence in one room as we shared a scared bond that was bound to be broken by a single scrape.  Our love seemed somewhat childish and simple but at the same time experienced the whole world with just the touch of our fingertips. The days where we could roll around and laugh in harmony became a  scene filled with horror and gore. I guess I could say the short moment of our joie de vivre ended with a bang that stopped my heart.  I ended up sacrificing myself to something completely unknown. You were truly mysterious but that was the fun of having you around. All your secrets and lies, all the deception and cruelty made me yearn for you. It gave me an inexplicable feeling of lust and I undoubtedly started fantasizing about what we could have be...

Day after day, this problematic teen I see,  His regular scent of smoke and liquor as he goes  by, I turn my head in disgust as everyone does,  His cold, emotionless eyes tells a story that can't be solved, The nostalgic past tormenting him  Torn hoodies trying to hide the bruises all over, Hot and suffocating he wants to be free, Around the corner in the back, The same hoodie that always repels, always alone with the burnt smell of cigar, And in the state of a drunk  Internally screaming but no one sees, Help me! Help me! is what I see  I want to save this boy  but my body cowers in fear, The way he dresses and speaks frightens me  His uncontrollable temper drives people away I watched him suffer and watched him cry  But all I could do was sit by I overlooked his pain all for my own gain I despised him because I was scared of him But when the day is done he goes home as silent as the grave Opens the door almost meeting his demise,  Ah, ...

I wake up. I have another headache today, this one is worse than yesterday. I took the pill and it still isn't easing up. For breakfast, I wonder if I should just get drunk and pass out again. Maybe that will take the pain away. Seems like the best option to me. I wake up. When was the last I had been outside, my room needs to air out, it smells awful. I can't bother to clean it today not feeling it. The ceiling is leaking again. I told that damn bastard to give me my money back if he wasn't going to fix it properly. Another typical day in the slums. I'm tired again. I should sleep a little more. I wake up. Ugh, I still have a headache. When is it going to leave? Hasn't it been too long already? Why am I checking my phone as if someone would even reach out to me? I see mother has been calling for days, I wonder if her money ran low again. Damn, she wouldn't be able to survive in this world without me. Guess that means I'll be going back to work. I really did...

From an early age, I could remember hearing my mother's shrieks. I could clearly see the desperation on her face every time my father laid hands on her. The thing that confused me was why she stayed and did not run away even if she left me. I could come to the conclusion that she was either dumb or reckless. She always smiled and tried her best to take care of me and my good-for-nothing father. He comes home late at night drunk or wrapped hand in hand with another woman. That filthy bastard only extorted from my mother but she was so useless, weak, and frail that she could never open her mouth to him.  The disdain on his face when he sees her never changes. He disgusts me, but what am I to judge when I can't even utter a single word to him. He has never looked at me since I was born, it's like I'm invisible in his eyes. Only mother is there as his personal slave and don't even get me started on the women he brings here. They walk in all high and mighty and boss arou...

Why love and want to be loved? I would rather not love than love and be loved. The loneliness that is etched into a person's heart after the so-called love leaves causes permanent damage. Yet, we crave one another like animals in heat. The sensation of your tingling touch lingers all over my body to show the places that you took dominance over.  I might not have been the most perfect but in every way, I tried to be the one you would crave. I still can't believe I had you in my arms and still lost you. I did everything that you wanted I hurt myself for you to be happy. I wanted you but you didn't want me. I tried so hard. I applied the most expensive makeup I could get my hands on, I exercised every day to lose weight to be that perfect type for you. If it was my body structure I'm sorry I couldn't fix that but the costs for that were surreal.  I had the thought that when you held me in your arms and said I was your match that I had really done a wonderful job for yo...

It hurts. My heart aches. It's throbbing. Am I just a stranger to you? Isn't that a bit harsh? Strange, it hurts so much. I never normally feel things in this situation but with you it's different. Your words just hit me like a ton of bricks, a bit cliche I know. Your words are killing me softly. I recall when I just met you, it's funny how it feels like I'm the only one who even remembers that. Ah, it's probably my fault we aren't even talking right now. Well, it is, I fell for you first didn't I. I recall walking in and seeing you and your brother's faces for the first time and the only thing I could think about is woah they're identical. I sat beside you and I had thought that because you guys were new you wouldn't really fit in yet.  The day passed and the next time I saw you I mustered up the courage to say hi and introduce myself. You don't know how fast my heart was beating because I wanted to make friends with you. The first time ...

I was dancing happily with you in my arms then you suddenly vanished into thin air. Where are you? Where did you go? Remember our promise six years ago. You were always the light wherever you walked and I was your shadow. This reference has been used so much that even I started comparing it to my life and you were just the right character to match it with. Your smile would make a grinch like me want to feel happy. But your smile faded into the darkness. What happened? Talk to me.  Drifting, we are splitting apart, where have you gone? I crave to see your smile. Remember the days when you would drag me out to play? No don't leave yet, I'm not ready. I should have told you. It never occurred that you would be leaving me so soon. But wait remember our promise. Please just a little while longer until I can accept the fact that you weren't the one for me. Until I accept that I am not worthy of the everlasting smile you would wear. But why didn't you tell me? Is it because of...

What. What is this? This feeling like I’m about to emerge into darkness… I was just happy a moment ago, but that moment flew by so fast. Childhood days where we would play all day long just flashed before my eyes. The nostalgic feeling that came over me made me feel indifferent in every way. The bittersweet memories, I cherish them all. They say as you grow you mature, what is maturing all about. The more I mature the more I see life as depressing. I constantly repeat my days over and over, a cycle you can say.    I wake up, eat, go to school, then sleep and it starts over. The more a person tells me to be positive the question becomes bolder in my head, "Why be positive in such a negative world?" The majority of adults say “A teenager has no stress or real work to manage yet” but somehow I feel as if I’m suffocating just from living. Expectations, Perfection, and Obedience are something every parent wants, some show it and some secretly hope that their child does the stand...